Europe was a pretty chaotic time. 7 people traveling through 13 countries in 32 days with MANY luggage bags. And that luggage wasn't simply in physical form. Through conflicts and chaos, I intentionally practiced a lot of resilience, patience, and presence.
The day after I got home, I decluttered my mind. 7 pages of scribbled thoughts and emotions. Only then did I realize that through this experience, I had subconsciously returned to myself.
I've been rethinking authenticity. "Just be yourself." It's a concept that gets thrown around, as if it's so EASY.
Throughout our lives, we're bombarded with the emotions and thoughts of others. Do this. Don't do that. We tie ourselves to certain stories and identities that feel so concrete and true. It takes a lot of work to be yourself. It take a lot of digging through the bullsh*t, identifying what is you and what isn't.
We can put our energy into three things:
1 - Who we think others want us to be
2 - Who we think we are
3 - Who we actually are.
Here's what I mean:
1 - Who I think others want me to be - a successful social entrepreneur, a courageous + vulnerable mental health advocate, a sad story turned into a triumph
2 - Who I think I am - a 22yo mentally ill woman of colour trying to make a life for herself while making the biggest social impact
3 - Who I actually am - I am. Whatever or whoever I am in that moment. What my gut says. Following my intuition.
I’ve been doing way too much of the first and not enough of the third. I’ve been feeling unnecessary amounts of stress + anxiety by trying to be who I’m not. We can CHOOSE what we focus on. We can CHOOSE our intentions. And just recently, I decided that I'm going to be me.
A NEW CHAPTER
Welcome to this new chapter of my life: what is AUTHENTICITY? Here's a glimpse.
Acting like I'm the sh*t ⇒ Recognizing my significance, smallness, and wholeness in the present moment
Focusing on the prerequisites of worthiness ⇒ Feeling JOY + PLEASURE + INTERCONNECTEDNESS
Grasping onto people + stories + things ⇒ Holding what wants to stay + LETTING GO of what does not want to stay, what does not serve me
Preaching equality as sameness ⇒ Rethinking equality as ONENESS
Prioritizing productivity + measurements + progress ⇒ Refocusing on focus + intention + presence
"Giving back" or "Contribution" or "Impact" ⇒ Participating in this interconnectedness: GIVING as an expression of my ALIVENESS
Teaching what I think is "trendy" ⇒ Giving what I want to give
Pleasing + showing up for EVERYONE ⇒ Sharing to MY audience (those who want to listen)
Constantly trying to appear professional and "mature" ⇒ Embracing my silly, joyous, child-like self
Feeling shame around my sexuality and sexual history ⇒ Embracing my sexuality + sensuality EVERY DAY
This is a moment of transformation. No more bullsh*t. No more performing. No more proving to myself or others. It’s too exhausting.
These are some questions I ask to stay true to myself.
How do I feel about this?
For whom am I doing this?
Is this coming from fear or love?
What is my intention?
What am I TRYING TO BE? TO PROVE?
Does this feed my soul?
So there we go. Remember when I was starting my self-acceptance journey a couple of months ago? The initial confrontation was a painful challenge but this growth + healing journey has ignited such joy within me since. Come join me?
Founder of The Tipping Point